In my last blog post ‘The Dark Side’, I touched on my dalliance with hookup sites, but I only covered the one bad experience I had. Today, in line with writing for Smutathon 2020, I am writing about the good times, of which there were plenty!
I was newly single, in my early 20s, trying to pay a mortgage on my own and working crazy, unsociable hours at work. I wasn’t interested in traditional dating, I’d been in a relationship pretty much consistently since I was 15 and was finally free to discover myself, my tastes, my desires. I knew I wasn’t in a state of mind to love someone else, I needed to learn to love myself first, and that, for me, needed to start with being comfortable with sex. Never one to do things by halves, I went straight in with a site called adult friend finder. And I never looked back.
My mind was almost immediately blown. I’ve never been exactly backwards in coming forwards, but this was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Every males profile photo was a dick pic and a torso. I hadn’t put my face on, but I certainly hadn’t expected that I’d be bombarded with cock within 30 seconds of loading up the site. I changed my profile photo to a tasteful boob pic and waited for the messages to roll in. This may sound arrogant, but a single woman on a site like this is always going to be in demand. The tasteful boob pic lasted a few days before becoming a slightly less tasteful one.
I was inundated. Every night when I got home from work I was frantically emailing, texting and wanking. Video chats, phone calls, all with only one thing in mind. Something inside me had been unlocked, I was constantly horny and knew I needed to arrange a meet sooner rather than later. I was so lucky with my first choice, A. He was happy to meet for a drink first, rather than jump straight in with the hookup. I was nervous, it was my first time doing anything like this so I needed to be put at ease first. He was great. Local, easy to chat to, and pretty vanilla in terms of sexual taste. A great way to ease in. We saw each other once a week for a good few months. It was so easy, no hassle, no commitments, no having to go out for dates after the initial meet up. Just sex, the occasional movie and no strings.
I wanted more, if I thought something had been unlocked early on, now I was having more regular sex than I had in my entire adult life, I just wanted more and more of it. I didn’t really know how to categorise myself. Sub? Dom? Switch? Into kink? I had lots to learn and there was no better time to learn it. I set myself some firm rules, for safety. I had to see a face photo before I started exchanging smutty photos. I would never let a guy just come straight to my house. I would always meet in a public place first. Always practice safe sex. Regular STD tests. I was good at the admin.
My next meet was a touch more risqué. We will call him B, because I’ve no idea what his name was. He worked as a physio at a local football club. I was going to meet him after work, in his physio room. I’d get a free massage, he would get a fuck. One condition, I had to turn up just in underwear and a trench coat. Sounds cliche, but fuck me was it a turn on. I arrived just after a game had finished and had to walk past all the players on my way to meet him. Little glances up and down from a couple, a smirk here and there. They all knew what was going on, I can imagine B had told them all. But it made me feel invincible. Untouchable. And very fuckable. I got my massage, he got his happy ending, I definitely got mine and I never saw him or spoke to him again.
That was when the addiction really started. A was great to see and have the ‘boyfriend’ experience with, but other guys were where I could feel sexy, feel wanted, feel in control, untouchable. I always took my time setting things up, I had to be comfortable with chatting to that person first. If they didn’t agree to my rules, they were a no go. We would message for a while and then chat on the phone. Go for a pre drink, talk about our wants, needs, desires and fantasies and then get planning.
A weekend in London with a CEO of a clothes company that loved rimming, both ways. We didn’t leave the hotel room for 48 hours. The man who would send me sex toys in the post and want videos of me using them. My first, and definitely not my last, anal experience. My first threesome. My second threesome. A sex party. Outdoor sex. Sex in the car and being caught by the police. The young photographer that took some of the best photographs of me in existence, naked, glorious, and sexy. The guy that wanted to watch me with his mate. The sex tape, sadly long deleted. The outfits, the dates, the utter lack of complication. The stories are endless, and very very distant in my memory now.
What I do know is that I regret only one thing, which I covered in my last blog. A and I are still in touch to this day. I still speak to a couple of other guys too. I spent my time talking to people first so that I never felt in danger, or under pressure once I finally met the guy. Always had a phone call first. There were some things I said no to, and I was always respected. Maybe I was lucky, these sites don’t have the greatest reputation, but I honestly believe that because everyone is there with the same outcome in mind, the same drive, the same motivation; it takes away a lot of the frustrations we have with modern dating apps. There’s an honesty about it that isn’t found on tinder.
It completely changed my attitude to sex, I believe for the better. I felt free, I never felt judged, and I can honestly say that those 3 years using that site were the sexiest I ever felt. A base desire, a wanton lust, but there is something intoxicating and addictive about it. I wouldn’t rule out using those sites again in the future if I was single. They aren’t for everyone, and that’s understandable, but they are certainly more prevalent now. They taught me to be less judgemental. Helped me understand kinks. Helped me to be more open with my own sexual tastes and definitely made me the woman that I am today.