Blank pages

What is it about a new year, a new week, a first of the month or a Monday that inspires change? Is it the blankness of the page sprawling ahead? The unknown possibilities? Maybe it’s hope, because we all need hope right, particularly after the hideous lack of any kind of hope the last 2 years. I have veered dramatically over the years between being a resolution setting, daily goal keeping go getter, and a ‘resolutions are bullshit and we will all be off the wagon by 13th Jan’ negative Nelly. Both have worked. When I set small, achievable goals, … Continue reading Blank pages

The Baby Question

Since the dawn of time women will be asked, at various stages of their lives, about when/where/how and with whom they will be having a baby. My life is no different. It feels as though I’ve been asked this question more often than any other in my life. The answer has always, and will always be the same. I don’t want children. I have nothing against children. In fact I live other people’s kids. They love me. My nieces are awesome, amazing, funny little human beings. I’m honorary aunty to at least 8 different children. I’ve attended two separate child … Continue reading The Baby Question


2020, what a year. We’ve all said it, but if you had told me at the start of this year where I would be by the end of it, I wouldn’t have believed you. I started this year by starting my blog. Setting up my Twitter account to promote it. Sharing funny little dating tales with a few people, asking for advice when a guy ghosted. Writing some heartfelt pieces about someone that stood me up and I gave second chances to. Writing about another man who was wonderful, but messed up. Then the virus changed everything. In early March … Continue reading 2020

You’re so lucky

I’ve been triggered recently by a few close friends telling me how lucky I am now I have a boyfriend and some company through lockdown 2.0 and it’s really got me thinking about how overused and offensive the phrase ‘You’re so lucky!’ is. The Oxford dictionary definition of luck is ‘success or failure brought about by chance rather than through one’s own actions.’. Insinuating that a man just fell out of the sky and into my lap, into my house. Into my bed. And along with him, my well paid job, my car, my mortgage, my weight gain, my 3 … Continue reading You’re so lucky

Adult friends

In my last blog post ‘The Dark Side’, I touched on my dalliance with hookup sites, but I only covered the one bad experience I had. Today, in line with writing for Smutathon 2020, I am writing about the good times, of which there were plenty! I was newly single, in my early 20s, trying to pay a mortgage on my own and working crazy, unsociable hours at work. I wasn’t interested in traditional dating, I’d been in a relationship pretty much consistently since I was 15 and was finally free to discover myself, my tastes, my desires. I knew … Continue reading Adult friends

How can I explain to my family that I’m really okay being single?

‘I was in a committed relationship for about ten years and she pretty much out the blue exited the scene. It was hard on me if honest. I got some grief counseling, which helped me see that actually the relationship wasn’t as great as it looked and that she’d probably made a brave choice – we could both be happier elsewhere. I don’t hate her, she recently got engaged. I honestly wished her happiness. After counselling, I dropped a chunk of weight, got a new wardrobe and to use a phrase from my youth, ‘put my slut pants on’. Then … Continue reading How can I explain to my family that I’m really okay being single?

The Dark Side

It may appear that I have my shit together. I mainly do these days, but I learned the hard way, I put myself in dangerous situations, and basically made a load of really poor decisions over the years. I have many many great dating stories, funny ones, lighthearted ones and plenty to keep this blog going for a long time. But I also have a couple of really dark tales that have shaped who I am as a person. They are the basis of all advice that I give to people these days, despite times having moved on immeasurably. So … Continue reading The Dark Side

Multiple Dating

Thanks to The Winter Tinderer for giving me the platform to talk my nonsense : ) The subject is multiple dating and there seems to be a split down the middle of what people are comfortable doing, I wouldn’t judge anyone either way, but I’m happy to date others at the same time and I’ll give you my thoughts behind why. First a little background on my dating experience, just so you know a little more about me. I am 37 years old and there has been four relationships in my life so far. Three of those lasted less than a year, with my longest lasting just under 3, which means for the majority ofmy life … Continue reading Multiple Dating

Playing the field

The thing with online dating is, it makes everything and everyone more accessible. Gives us all a massive choice. Particularly with the wide variety of apps that are out there now, there are some to suit specific tastes, some for finding flings, some for finding threesome partners. The internet is literally your oyster when trying to find a potential soul mate. Invariably people are on more than one app. I used to always use Tinder, but then also be on bumble for when I was feeling a little fancier. Most people I know are on a minimum of two apps. … Continue reading Playing the field


I’ve seen a lot of stuff recently around dealbreakers. Tweets, blogs, general discussions. Everyone has them it seems. People are looking for that gold standard person, the one that ticks every box. The one that has the perfect profile, the one that fits the given criteria. I’ve had dealbreakers for as long as I’ve been dating (an inordinate amount of time!). They’ve changed as I’ve matured, they’ve evolved as my priorities have changed, they’ve been added to and subtracted from more times than I can count. Past experiences have dictated new dealbreakers being added to the list, as if categorising … Continue reading Dealbreakers